Dumbo Loft in Brooklyn, NY: The Wedding of Kali and Ashley
From our first meeting I knew that we were a match in heaven. Kali and Ashley are such a fun, creative, and artistic couple. I tried so hard to play it cool through that meeting, not wanting to reveal how absolutely desperately I wanted to work for them for their wedding day. Spoiler alert: I did not succeed at keeping my cool at ALL. It’s okay though because obviously it all worked out.
They got married by the water near the Brooklyn Bridge, and he had a ton of fun doing photos together. They had incredible reception decor—they took their favorite album covers and movie posters and reworked them with themselves as the musicians / actors. Then the wedding guests were able to guess which album was which, and the winner got a fabulous t-shirt. Aaaaah it was such a good day!
How did you and your partner meet?
We met online! We met through OkCupid about 11 years ago when we were both living in New York. Ashley was Kali's only first date off of the website, and Kali was Ashley's second first date. After meeting each other, they closed their accounts (but then proceeded to tell friends and family that a mutual friend [that they didn't realize they had until later] introduced them...he is now officiating their wedding).
How did they propose?
We woke up one Sunday morning and Kali said, can we talk about something? Ashley had no idea what he wanted to talk about and was initially quite worried...until he started talking about Ashley is his best friend. He said some other very nice things that Ashley can't remember because soon after he asked her to marry her. Her first response? "Are you sure? Are you serious?!" When he said yes, she said yes.
What are you most looking forward to?
Our future! There's so much more growing, exploring, and learning we have to do, and I (Ashley) am thrilled that we can do that together.
What was your favorite moment from the day?
Kali: I had a lot of fun taking photos with Ashley during the day. I feel like I didn't really get to hang out with Ashley that much, but taking the photos with just her felt like a time for us where we weren't being pulled in multiple different directions.
Ashley: Seeing Kali for the first time. All my nerves melted away as soon as I saw his goofy smile.
Describe your ceremony in three words:
Personal, Community-grounded (I cheated a little with that one), Inter-cultural
What is your ceremony music?
Ashley's very close friend, Kellyn Marie Goler, will be playing music live for the processional and recessional. Kali and his groomspeople will be processing in to an acoustic version of Common's, "The Light." He'd always wanted this song to be incorporated into the ceremony - even before he met Ashley! Ashley's bridespeople will be processing in to an acoustic version of Sade's, "By Your Side." She chose this because she leans very heavily on these five people for love, guidance, counsel, and support, and she wanted to try to reflect all that they've done for her through this song choice. Ashley will be processing in to an acoustic version of "Edelweiss" from the Sound of Music. Ashley has very fond memories of watching this movie with family every year around the holidays, and that song is one that she associates with her Dad, who will be processing with her.
How did you go about planning your ceremony?
We had two priorities: keep it short and sweet, and incorporate Ashley's family's traditions. We also wanted to make sure our friends and family were involved. We looked at standard elements of a ceremony and picked the parts that felt most important to us. We then went about assigning individual portions to bridespeople and groomspeople so that it felt like Ashley and Kali weren't only making a commitment to each other, but also being held accountable to their friends and family.
Who is your officiant? How did you choose him/her?
Jon Seigler is our officiant! He is the only person who knew both Kali and Ashley before the two of them met. He is also one of the smartest people the two of them know, and one of the most unconditionally supportive. We're really lucky to have him in our lives and as our officiant!
What were your vows like?
Kali: They were hard. I wrote like four to six drafts. I ran them by a friend a couple nights before and she said they weren't good enough, and so I was writing up until the ceremony started.
Ashley: They were pretty personal. At first I had a hard time writing mine, but then I just thought about the type of partner I wanted to be to Kali and the things that I thought would be important to him - big or small - and tried to write to that. I really looked at them as promises to which our friends and family would hold me accountable, so it meant a lot to me to try to make them meaningful.
What was your favorite thing about your wedding ceremony?
Kali: I liked that our wedding party decided to all wear sunglasses at the last second.
Ashley: I liked that we incorporated Indian Orthodox Christian traditions into it, while still keeping it really personal. I was so happy that our friends and family all sort of "officiated" the ceremony, too. It felt intimate and personal.
Are you including any traditions / religious rights in your wedding?
Yes! Ashley's family is from the southwestern Indian state of Kerala. She was raised in the Indian Orthodox church, and while the ceremony is mostly secular, there are two specific traditions that they will be incorporating: the minnukettu and the manthrakodi.
The minnukettu is a moment where the groom ties 7 strands of silk (taken from the manthrakodi) around the bride's neck. On those braided 7 threads is a small gold leaf-shaped pendant with a cross on it. Following this moment, the groom places the manthrakodi, or wedding sari, on the bride's head.
Here is a brief description of both of their meanings from another website: The minnu or thali, as is referred to in Indian customs, is a pendant strung on a chain made by intertwining 21 threads taken from the Manthrakodi in 7 sets using three each. These 7 sets stand for the parents of the groom and bride, the groom, the bride and the Church or the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit. This simple chain of threads is worn for three days and then replaced with a permanent gold chain.
The Minnu/pendant with a cross is the symbol of Christianity on a gold medallion shaped like a heart or a leaf. The heart symbolizes the concept of love, and the cross reflects the relationship between a husband and wife, which signifies the relationship between Jesus and his bride – the Church. Usually rich silk with silver and gold embroidery, the Manthrakodi is placed over the bride’s head by the priest as prayers are recited after Minnukettu.
This practice implies a lot of things. Firstly, it is symbolic of how all the love, protection, and care of the groom now rests with the bride. Also, it means that the responsibility of the bride now rests with the groom. During this ritual, the female relative or sister who usually stands right behind the bride during the initial ceremony is replaced by one amongst the closest female relatives of the groom as symbolic of a family shift and induction of the bride into the groom’s family.
This practice is also symbolic of Rebekah. Rebekah, who, on arriving from her marital home to Abraham’s to marry his son Isaac on camelback, covered herself in a veil when she saw Isaac. This was an act of humility, chastity and devotion to her lifelong partner united in marriage by God.
Why did you choose the ceremony and reception locations?
We kind of went about this a bit backwards - we set out looking for venues that would accommodate both the ceremony and the reception. Kali's great-great-grandmother's home is an historical landmark in Lynchburg, VA, and Ashley was really interested in having the wedding there. Once she started mapping out the guest numbers, though, they decided they may need a bit of a bigger space. Next they started looking at venues all over NYC, and in looking at an indie art museum in Dumbo, discovered the Brooklyn Bridge Park. Once Ashley saw the park and its breathtaking views, she was sold on having the ceremony outdoors in the park. It also was a nice nod to the fact that Kali and Ashley are building their lives together in Brooklyn.
Once we figured that out, we set out to finalize a reception location. Ashley's main criterion was affordability! Second to that was finding a space that would allow for a live band, which was a surprisingly restrictive criterion in the Dumbo area. But a friend helped them find Dumbo Loft and it was conveniently only about a 10-min walk from the ceremony location, and available in the month that Ashley had always hoped to be married (September!).
How would you describe your reception theme?
Hmm...good question. Ashley's dream wedding was always a New Orleans funeral. Hear me out on this one....the concept of a New Orleans funeral is to have good food, good music, and a celebration of a person's life, free from pretense. Ashley's thought was those are all the elements of any great party, so why not try to achieve the same feeling at the reception? There won't be any seated dinner, there will be a 3-piece brass band, and there will be an open bar all night, so we hope that people will be dancing through the night and enjoying each others' company more than anything else. Kali designed all of the non-floral decor, and those are an extension of this same idea that Ashley and Kali have a fondness for good music and good movies.
What inspired you when you were planning your wedding?
Mainly that we wanted it to really feel like "us." We didn't want it to feel stuffy or pretentious, and we really wanted to throw a good party for our closest friends and family. Kali was really the north star here - for every silly idea Ashley had, Kali asked, would the guests be comfortable? Would they enjoy it?
Were there specific blogs / websites / apps / resource materials you found useful during your planning process?
Oh man, Ashley did a lot of googling...but pinterest was definitely helpful and Reddit threads that she came across in her googling were also really helpful for personal experiences, reviews of vendors, and ideas.
What was your favorite part of the planning process?
(Ashley here) Honestly, just spending time with Kali talking about what is important to us and making decisions together. It definitely wasn't always smooth, but we really felt (and feel!) like a team and it was fun to bounce ideas off of each other and come up with solutions together.
What was the worst part of the planning process?
The money! I wish all the things I (Ashley) wanted didn't cost as much as they do (and, I swear, if you say the word "wedding" to a vendor, it jacks up the price), so it was a lot of figuring out what we wanted vs what we we needed and how we could fit that in to what we could afford.
Are there any DIY details you’d like to tell us about?
Kali did so many DIY things! He designed the save-the-dates, the invites, the wedding programs, and a lot of the decor you'll see in the reception. I (Ashley) do not at all have the skills he has, but man am I excited for them to be on display!
What food are you most looking forward to on the wedding reception menu?
Oh man...I don't know. We got SO lucky with our catering team. They are incredibly easy to work with and make fanTAStic food. I (Ashley, again), will say that they were gracious enough to try and recreate one of my Mom's snacks that she always makes when we all come home: tuna cutlets. I know they won't be exactly the same as my Mom's, but I'm excited to see how Chef Jay interprets it! We're also ordering some of our favorite NY greasy food (Artichoke pizza and White Castle sliders) for a late night snack, and I hope that'll be a big hit.
Tell us about the cake!!
Here's another one where we're super lucky. One of our close friends is an incredibly talented professional baker. Ashley knew from the moment they started planning that she wanted Nastassja (our friend) to make the cake. They came up with a version of Ashley and Kali's favorite cake - box yellow cake with chocolate frosting - except Nastassja is going to put her special twist on it for us. The cake is quite small and will just be for Kali and Ashley to cut together, but the guests will have some small petitfours to enjoy along with a Belgian waffle food truck!
What is the first dance song? Father/daughter or mother/son dance?
The first dance song is "Unstoppable" by Lianne La Havas. and the Father/Daughter/Mother/Son dance will happen simultaneously to "Unforgettable" by Natalie Cole and Nat King Cole.
What advice do you have for other couples in the midst of planning a wedding?
Kali: Try not to get caught up in what you think a wedding is _supposed_ to be, but just try to think about what you think would be the most fun.
Ashley: Communicate! I think I tried to handle as much as I could on my own so I wouldn't really have to bother other people that much, but that lack of communication ended up creating a lot of chaos in the end. Just tell people what you want and what you care about, and, similarly, tell them the stuff that is not that important to you so that everyone can sort of release on those things should they go sideways.
Do you have any budget tips for other couples?
Kali: Make one! If you just google anything with the word "wedding" attached, you probably won't get the actual price of the item. Do a little research to figure out what you actually want and how much it would cost if it weren't for a wedding.
Ashley: Ask friends/family who have just had a wedding if they have any things that you can borrow (decor, signage, etc.). Go to brick-and-mortar stores near you! We found a print shop a few blocks from us that was waaaaay more affordable than the big box stores and turned things around quickly, too. As much as you have time do it, definitely research options and alternatives where and when you can (which also means, be willing to let go of certain specifics if you're trying to stick to a tight budget).
What was the best advice you were given?
Kali: Just let go on the day of. Enjoy the day and try not to get worried about the details.
Ashley: Let go! It's going to be an incredibly memorable event, and you're probably not going to remember the stuff that will inevitably go wrong.
If you had it to do over again, is there anything you would do differently?
Kali: Prep the DJ and wedding planner more. I think everything else worked pretty well.
Ashley: Yeah, I agree. I think we planned and planned and planned between the two of us, but failed to communicate all the stuff we'd planned to everyone else so they could sort of take it over from us on the day of.
What was your favorite moment or part of the reception?
Kali: All the dancing in general, but if there was a specific moment, it was doing the night shoot with Lauren + Nick. Everything was done by then and it was nice to just have a moment with Ashley and just see her taking pretty photos and watching Lauren get really excited about them (which I could sympathize with as a filmmaker).
Ashley: Our sort of impromptu family huddle/dance moment. It was really emotional for a number of reasons but felt like a big huge release that I didn't know I needed.
The wedding ceremony took place at Brooklyn Bridge Park and the reception was at the Dumbo Loft.